he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
