I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
