I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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