why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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