Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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