What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
