can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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