Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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