So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
