it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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