normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We got so high we made milksteak
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
