i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
