omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
