I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
