i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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