I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
