The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
