his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
