I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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