I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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