Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
