I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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