Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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