; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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