Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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