It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
