you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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