Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize