I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
