kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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