me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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