also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
