I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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