Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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