there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
