oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
