You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
