I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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