remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
