well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
