Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
