The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
