I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
