can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
