Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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