My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize