I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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