is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
