as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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