Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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