just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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