i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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