oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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