she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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