I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
