i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
