I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
