I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
