hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
