I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
