I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
