You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize