Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girls should come with a carfax report
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
