Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
two words: eviction party
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
